Afraid or not. Here I come.

Starting off another year I am feeling hopeful and ready to take on ANYTHING that comes my way. Pretty sure I’ve said that EVERY single year. Pretty sure I have made a list of things I want to accomplish and somehow on December 31st, I feel completely unaccomplished. Let’s be real too, I accomplish things every day simply by surviving. By feeding my children, by getting up showing up on time at 3 am in the morning for work. These are daily tasks that are accomplishments but are also just normal routine of life that passes by. My list of things I want to accomplish for a new year are activities or plans that are outside of that comfortable normal everyday box.

Sadly though, that stuff, the good stuff seems to always get forgotten. At least for me. There’s this little friend who hangs around a lot named, “fear”. Fear seems to coat my good ideas with doubt and questions. Fear is always one step ahead of me which then blocks me from getting where I want to be. Stupid fear.

There’s this quote: “A life lived in fear is a life half lived”. I saw these words while watching the film “Australia” (with Hugh Jackman oh la la) and INSTANTLY memorized and kept this quote close to me. Hmmm, I heard this quote maybe 8 or 9 years ago. Every now and then I rewatch “Australia” (it’s a LONG and oh so good film) and see those words at the beginning. It reminds me that living in fear, letting my buddy Fear lead me, only holds me back. Fear makes me settle for less that what I deserve and what I am worth. Fear knows that she can work her magic and pretty much pull me close to her so I won’t even know how to escape. Fear has done that for a while now.

Some silly examples:
– Fell off my bike a long while ago and I still to this day cannot get back on.
– My beautiful ukulele sits and collects dust throughout most of the year because I think my fingers are too short to play.
– I instantly think people are mad or hate me before they even meet me. WHAT!?

The two more serious fears that I have:
– I’ll never own a home for my family.
– I’ll be stuck drowning in and paying debt for the rest of my life. FOR LIFE.

So there are these fears that have controlled me. Have beat down my motivation to try new things. Have ripped dreams into pieces because Fear knows my weak spots. Fears knows to make a quick blow to my ego or to slowly twist the knife through my side.

Fear knows that I’ve been wanting to write and start a blog for almost a year. I’ve come up with a theme and how this space would reflect my ever busy human life. I’ve thought to myself – YESSS, I got this! Let’s write! Fear STOMPS on my excitement reminding me people won’t want to hear what I have to say, people don’t care, and my life is no big deal.

Well, Fear, you can officially suck it! You are also losing the capital letter. You don’t deserve it.
It is the year two thousand twenty. It is time for the excuses, the comforts, the insecurities, the silence to POOF! BE GONE!

It is the year to read all the books. It is the year to get back on the bike (figuratively and literally). It is the year to sit down, plan, and set goals for my family. It is the year to take care of business. It is the year to share my story. It is MY year.

Things I hope and am going to work my ass off to accomplish:
1. Budget monthly and pay off debt.
2. Write a blog monthly/weekly.
3. Take a road trip with my family.
4. Start another side hustle (because I don’t do enough already lol)
5. Finish my books I bought last year.
6. Finish my crochet projects I started last year.
7. Take care of debt.
8. Take a picture of me with my family every month..week?
9. Keep working out, investing in BB, and losing baby weight.
10. Fill out an entire 2020 planner in hopes to stay organized!
11. Have a date night with my husband once a month.
12. Budget so much better.
13. Take my mom out for a mom/daughter date lol
14. Purge my closet and the girls closet.
15. Send Jas to summer camp and not have to work.
16. Ride a bike?
17. Go talk to a therapist (because it’s seriously the best).
18. Get rid of all my LuLaRoe inventory that is left and stuck in my house.
19. Save all our dollars for a summer trip.
20. Share more about me through this blog.

A list of 20 pretty attainable goals is a good way to start the year 2020. Now that this list is written down I am making this space where I’ll be reminded of these 20 goals and visions for this year.
It’s the year to accomplish, overcome, and hopefully… get some sleep!! (come on 1 year old!)
Peace and love,

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